Kon’nichiwa! 🌸 So you’ve decided to dive into the fascinating (and sometimes a bit shy) world of romance in Japan. Here’s a secret: in Japanese culture, ‘less is more’. Unlike in other languages where you might be very direct, here subtlety and the little details are what win the day.
Let’s look at a few phrases to help you break the ice, flirt a little and, who knows, maybe you’ll find your unmei no hito (soulmate)!
The first step: Breaking the ice
We don’t want to scare anyone off, do we? Let’s start with something gentle. In Japan, praising someone’s efforts or simply their company is a very common way of showing interest.
緒にいると楽しい！(Issho ni iru to tanoshii!)
I have such a good time when I’m with you!
Why it works: It’s natural and takes the pressure off. You’re not declaring your undying love; you’re just saying that you enjoy spending time with them.
その服、すごく似合ってるね。(Sono fuku, sugoku niatteru ne.)
Those clothes really suit you.
The pro tip: Saying ‘niatteru’ (it looks good on you) sounds much more personal than simply saying ‘that’s a lovely T-shirt’.
Turning up the volume (just a little)
If you’ve already built up a rapport and want to let that person know that you don’t just see them as a ‘language exchange partner’, try these:
| Phrase in Japanese | Romaji | Translation | Intensity level |
| もっと知りたいな。 | Motto shiritai na. | I want to know more about you. | 😊 Sweet |
| 今度、二人でどこか行かない？ | Kondo, futari de dokoka ikanai? | Would you like to go somewhere together next time? | 🔥 Direct |
| タイプなんだよね。 | Taipu nanda yo ne. | You’re my type. | 😎 Bold |
Key point: The phrase ‘Futari de’ (just the two of us) is the magic key. In Japan, people often go out in groups, so when you say ‘futari de’, you’re sending a clear signal that this is a date.
The famous (and dreaded) confession: Kokuhaku
In Japan, there’s something called Kokuhaku (告白). It’s the formal moment when you tell someone you like them so you can start officially dating. If you don’t do this, months can go by without you knowing whether you’re a couple or just friends who go out for dinner a lot!
好きです。付き合ってください！(Suki desu. Tsukiautte kudasai!)
I like you. Would you go out with me?
Fun fact: Although ‘Aishiteru’ means ‘I love you’, it’s a bit too heavy to start with. The Japanese use ‘Suki’ (to like) or ‘Daisuki’ (to like very much) even for serious declarations of love. We save ‘Aishiteru’ for romantic dramas or when you’ve been in a relationship for years.
| Japanese | Romaji | English |
|---|---|---|
| 好きです | suki desu | I like you |
| 大好きです | daisuki desu | I really like you |
| 愛してる | aishiteru | I love you |
| かわいい | kawaii | You’re adorable |
| かっこいい | kakkoii | You’re handsome / cool |
| 会いたい | aitai | I want to see you |
| 一緒にいたい | issho ni itai | I want to be with you |
| デートしよう | deeto shiyou | Let’s go on a date |
| 電話してもいい？ | denwa shite mo ii? | Can I call you? |
| キスしてもいい？ | kisu shite mo ii? | Can I kiss you? |
| ずっと一緒にいよう | zutto issho ni iyou | Let’s stay together forever |
| 君のことが好き | kimi no koto ga suki | I like you (more personal) |
| Japanese | Romaji | English |
|---|---|---|
| かわいい | kawaii | Cute, adorable |
| きれい | kirei | Beautiful, pretty (elegant) |
| かっこいい | kakkoii | Attractive, handsome |
| 素敵 | suteki | Lovely, charming |
| 優しい | yasashii | Kind |
| 面白い | omoshiroi | Funny, interesting |
| 明るい | akarui | Cheerful |
| おしゃれ | oshare | Stylish |
| セクシー | sekushii | Sexy |
| 魅力的 | miryokuteki | Attractive, appealing |
| 知的 | chiteki | Intelligent |
| 大人っぽい | otonappoi | Mature |
| 可愛らしい | kawairashii | Very cute / adorable |
| クール | kuuru | Cool, interesting |
Tips to avoid making a blunder
Personal space: The Japanese value their personal space highly. There’s no need to constantly touch someone’s arm or shoulder, as we might do in Spain or Latin America. Sometimes, a glance held for a second longer than usual speaks louder than a thousand words.
Silence is your friend: If there’s a pause in the conversation, don’t get nervous. In Japan, sharing a comfortable silence is a sign that there’s a connection.
Using first names: If you stop using their surname (+ san) and start using their first name (perhaps with + kun or + chan), congratulations! You’re entering the zone of trust.
An extra line for the brave:
「また会いたいって言ったら、どうする？」 (Mata aitai tte ittara, dou suru?)
If I told you I wanted to see you again, what would you do?
Es una forma juguetona de lanzar la pelota a su tejado sin ser demasiado agresivo. ¡Mucha suerte, ganbatte!
Exercises
Quiz